Bleeding-edge Politics!

We here at the Morning Haha know that our attempts at humor bring tears to even the most hardened of war-criminals. Nevertheless, we do believe that it is the ‘attempt’ that matters. Success still eludes us, but we keep trying. Maybe, a change in strategy is what we need.

A change in strategy is exactly what helped Mamata Banerjee achieve her objectives. Tears are the nuclear weapon of human emotions. As Mr. Pranab Mukherjee (and men from around the world, including the Arctic) will most definitely attest to, the moment the mushroom cloud of tears erupts, logic, rationality, good-and-bad, right-and-wrong are the first victims to be decimated. Resources, history, precedence and planning die of radiation fallout. Eventually a nuclear winter sets in.

These bleeding-edge techniques have usually been confined to the domestic scene. This is probably the first time in recent history that this weapon has been deployed in the political landscape.

Our political pundits agree that this may soon become a weapon of choice for the politically inclined. We predict that we will soon see tears being employed in courts, parliaments, TV studios (Wait! We already have that!), processions and legislative assemblies. This is just the beginning. Sobb Sobb.

Not an Intelligence failure … they said!

“The Pune blast was not the result of any intelligence failure but an 'insidious' planting of a bomb in a 'soft' target establishment, Union Home Minister P Chidambaram said.”

Whoa, not so fast Eddie!

If this is not a failure, I shudder to think what would an actual intelligence failure be.

Maybe we are being too hard on the old guy. Maybe this was a success after all. Maybe they alerted the local authorities a couple of days in advance. Nope that did not happen. Maybe they asked prime targets in Pune to be on the alert. That did not happen either.

Maybe they did warn the old, respected home minister in time for him to take cover under his desk, in New Delhi. Probable.

For the benefit of those who are linguistically challenged, like yours truly, ‘insidious’ means ‘beguiling’, ‘treacherous’ and ‘producing serious harm’. This proves that the home ministry is hard at work to come up with (not plans to counter terror attacks) better worded statements post the mayhem.

We need to give credit where it is due. And it is definitively due here. We were not dished out the stale “I salute the indomitable spirit of the people of City X”. This is a bigger relief than you think, by the way!

Yet another IIT graduate lay dead, while our intelligence agencies celebrated their ‘success’ with the home ministry. Yet another terror attack, while ‘Aman ki Asha’ continues to spread ‘Asha’ through its song, dance and fart sessions!

WTF?

Is this fair? Is this justifiable? Are we not forgetting something?

TOI on the left hand side features a couple of articles on terrorism in India. The first article talks about over 700 terrorists in J&K waiting to kill and maim innocent civilians in the name of religious war. The second article talks of a young, successful IIT graduate whose life, love and family was riddled with bullet holes, by the 26/11 perpetrators.

On the same page is ‘Aman ki asha’, the grand TOI initiative to bring the people of the India and Pakistan together. Their argument is that the establishment is different from the people of Pakistan. People are essentially similar, culturally and emotionally. Hence we can be friends. No harm done!

I can almost picture a crazed L-e-T terrorist having fits of laughter. They will take this not only as another sign of weakness but also as an opportunity to further their designs. This initiative will have a real positive impact on terrorist confidence. Way to go!

Coming back to the point of ‘being friends’. Ultimately, it is the people of the nation who are responsible for a nation’s misdeeds. They are not different from their nation’s establishment. The uber-romantic notion of Jai-Veeru-dosti between India and Pakistan is counter-productive and directionless.

Will this stop another smart IIT graduate from being gunned down? Will this make the crazed L-e-T terrorist any less crazed? Will this bring any real peace, even for a month, week or day? I sincerely doubt.

Friendship is between equals. We … are no longer equals!

God–Phone Descends!

All hail the new God of all phones, including, yes, including the now dated iPhone. Google was already the God of search engines, it now has transcended into mobile operating systems. Google-God has now taken the competition to various fruity vendors of over-priced, malfunctioning, computing hardware.

Let us also take this moment to announce the demise of Microsoft’s mobile computing platform – The Windows Mobile. Even the much-awaited Windows Mobile 7 is going to look like road-kill compared to Android 2.1. Windows Mobile is now relegated to the history books. A moment of silence please, guys!

The God-Phone touts a 3.7 inch AMOLED touch screen display, a 5MP camera, Android 2.1, 1GHz Snapdragon processor, active noise cancellation, voice-enabled search, 512MB RAM and a 4GB memory card apart from the usual bells and whistles. To top it all, the sweet hardware is from HTC. It is bank-robbery at $529.

The sad part is that this God-phone (Google calls it super phone) will not descend into India, at least not now. I, for one will be eagerly waiting for my rendezvous with God.

Check out these links to get acquainted with God!

Link 1 – CNET news page

Link 2 – Google Nexus One home page

Top 5 best Action, Adventure or Mystery TV Series

You know it is that time of the year, when music albums like ‘Top Remix Hungamas of 2009’ and articles like ‘2009: The year almost gone by!’ crop up like scandalized politicians!  It is that time of the year here at TMH too! And the entire team (wink wink) here at TMH thought that it would be a good time to slip in a list of ours too!

This is a list of 5 best action, adventure or Mystery TV series. A cleverly designed category that maps to the way the human brain organizes information (wink wink). Let’s get to it!

Prison Break: At #5 we have Prison Break, a series which combines action, adventure and loads of impossible ingenuity. It is at #5 because it does tend to stretch reality through lots of co-incidences. Only a tad though. An awfully good ‘watch’ nevertheless!

Honorable mention: Heroes

Castle: #4 is a whodunit murder mystery series with a superlative cast. Smart, funny dialogues coupled with excellent plot lines make this TV Series an unbeatable one. Extra points for the lead actors: Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic. Honorable mention: The Old Fox, Agatha Christie’s Poirot.

X Files: Coming in at #3 is the X-Files. A dark, chilling, mystery series, with oodles and oodles of small-town America thrown in for the mood. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson do ample justice to the main characters. The first few seasons were probably the best ever. The truth… is still out there!

Star Trek – The Original Series: This is at #2 only because it is from the sixties, mere technicality. Childhood defining, this series had it all: Mystery, Adventure, Charm, Action and Space. Space – The final frontier. This series has changed television, technology and millions of lives. Honorable mention: Star Trek - Voyager

House MD: At #1 is this medical mystery. Probably the smartest, funniest and coolest TV series ever. A supremely talented cast led by Hugh Laurie, who plays the role of a genius doctor leading a team of diagnosticians. Smart dialogues and Sherlockian deductions, this is the grand daddy of all TV series.

If you feel that any other TV series should have featured here, drop us a comment!

A recovering economy, tainted politicians stepping down and with monster policemen almost behind bars, 2009 is in fact closing on a high note. TMH wishes its millions of readers’ (wink wink) lots of hope and cash in 2010! (Wishes are for real! – No wink wink)

Avatar - The Phenomenon

I have never seen anything like this before! Nothing!

This movie has re-defined film-making, taking things to all new levels. I was a bit apprehensive seeing this movie at first. All Friday morning I heard reviews from radio-critics saying that the film is ‘good’ in an ‘ok’ sort of a way. Go to the theatres to enjoy the special effects – they said!

Radio critics argued, there weren’t many plot elements, the story is too simple! They failed to see that, that was exactly the intention. Epics don’t have complex stories. Odyssey, Ramayana, Mahabharata, you name it. The setting is magical – and therein lies the secret! Like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, Avatar takes you on a journey to a very possible, yet magical setting. Simple, fast-paced story telling with enough plot twists to keep you glued to your 3D goggles! Now I know radio-critics weren’t around when God was handing out the noodles!

Almost all 3D movies I have seen in the past are about comical houseflies making it to the moon or blurry documentaries on humpback whales! The single most popular tool used by 3D directors in the past was thingamajigs poking out of the screen. Now clichéd, like horror movie screams. James Cameron has deliberately avoided that annoying avenue. He has composed each shot with careful attention to the depth of field in a way that makes you feel immersed in the action.

Now, other 3D movies will look up to the Avatar’s ankles!

Quips on the go!

President Zardari had a $60 Million embarrassment recently. Which was his third most embarrassing moment; after his $100 Million and $200 Million embarrassments!

According to this news report, terrorists have sneaked into India. Authorities are looking for Pashtoons and Afghans. While that may be a good idea, they may also want to look at people carrying AK-47s, grenades and howitzers!

Sources have revealed Tiger Woods’ 14^th mistress! In other related news the Tiger signed hefty sponsorship deals with Play-Boy, Hole-in-One, The Birdie and the Bunny, Strokes under par and Iron Drive, all pro-golfer magazines!

Abu Dhabi has given Dubai $10 Billion in a surprise bailout package! Who was it that said Santa Claus did not exist?

The Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi was hit in the face with a bronze statue! Shoes, as a sign of protest, have become passé now! What next, the kitchen sink?

Scientists have recently found that even fire-flies can get addicted to alcohol. Fireflies are now swarming to local bars and pubs, companies are rushing to create special beers for fireflies, sales are up, all in all there is a new buzz in town!

There are 2 days left and prospects don’t look bright for Copenhagen. Roland Emmerich, the director of 2012, took this opportunity to announce his new movie, 2013, a sequel to 2012. At least this was good news to someone!