Karzzzz - The nose job!

Major spoiler warning! 

Picture this. The Jurassic era - Dinosaurs lumbering around in a manicured clearing with towering Alpine mountains in the background. Nice sunny day with only a couple of T-Rex attacks predicted. Of the many dinosaur species – The Lambeosaurs evolve a bizarre nasal headgear to make mating calls. This tends to happen if you don’t have mobile networks. 

Cut to the 20^th century. Himesh Reshammiya (HR) is born in a movie called ‘Karzzzz’. And because of a government experiment gone haywire, he is grafted with genes from the Lambeosaurs, thus giving him a nuclear-powered nasal cavity. 

The movie starts with a Botox-injected Urmila planning to kill her husband, Dino-saur Moreo. Things go well (Not so well for Dino-saur Moreo though!) and Dino-saur Moreo is promptly dispatched to his maker. His sprawling estate passes onto Urmila and Sir Juda (More about him later). 

Cut to 25 years later. The great HR nose-dives his way to the top of the Rockdom. Indian women are swooning in large numbers at his concert in Cape Town. Apparently dinosaur mating calls have that effect. But all the nasal screeching has an unwelcome side-effect on HR. The potent sonic-waves re-boot his brain with Dino-saur Moreo’s memory. He starts to recall how the Botox overdose … err Urmila, poisoned Dino-saur’s life. 

HR has also, in the meantime, secured the liposucked Shweta Kumar’s affections. He then travels with her to Kenya to attend to his calling. No not that! His black-and-white flashbacks to Dino-saur Moreo’s extinction event. 

The scheming HR and his dino-sized sinus cavity woos the older Urmila with a series of nasal shrieks. (Read: Songs!) Urmila is no match for such powerful mating calls and black-and-white flashbacks. She falls prey, thinking HR to be a re-incarnated stalker. However, HR has worse in store for her. He reveals her evil plans to the world at a concert. 

Sir Juda, who had his arm eaten off by dinosaurs in the past, had gotten himself a Casio synthesizer for a prosthetic limb. He could now make sounds which only his evil henchmen could interpret. So armed with a synthesizer and a couple of ill-fated, half-baked evil plans he takes on the great HR. 

In this historic fight between a genetically modified HR and evil, HR attempts to subdue the Botox-powered Urmila by offering himself up for target practice. Gleefully, Urmila takes full advantage. But while HR is being converted into a human-dinosaur-hybrid-sieve plate, the 25-year-old Botox causes Urmila to freeze and lose control of her aircraft. She plunges to her death. 

Sir Juda armed with a good arm and a Casio synthesizer does not last long. No match. Although HR has sunlight filtering through him, he lives to sing another day.

Thus ends the worst nose-job in Bollywood’s history. Unlike that of Shilpa Shetty, this nose-job will have no positive impact on HR’s career.