Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Arrests not mandatory now! – What, come again?

Criminals rejoice! This is the Government of India’s new-year gift to the world of outlaws! No longer are arrests mandatory for crimes that that have a maximum penalty of 7 years or less. Now this is stupendous! In the wake of 26/11 I was under the impression that laws would be tightened! Link

Haha. Double Haha! Quoting Harry from the movie “Dumb and Dumber”: “Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…and totally redeem yourself!” 

This was after Llyod exchanges their van, modified to look like a sheep-dog, with a juvenile scooter. Well the GoI has done something just as brilliant and redeemed themselves! 

With this solar-system changing law in place, police chases just became obsolete. (Movies will now be a whole lot more boring!) Now the criminals don’t need to run after committing a crime! They can flag an auto, say tata-bye-bye police uncle, take care, and go and relax at home. Crime is after all a stressful profession. 

I can visualize the following crime scene now … 

Pappu-pager, strolling out of a local bank after robbing it of a couple of lakhs. 2 police jeeps from World War II skid to a stop right next to him. A young dashing, pot bellied inspector, jumps out. 

Inspector Dayaram: “Police ne building to charo taraf se gher liya hai, Aapne aap ko kanoon ke hawale kar do. Apne hathiyaar phenk do!" 

Pappu-pager: “Hathiyaar?” (Throws down his pager) 

Inspector Dayaram (voice trembling): “Ruko, nahi to main goli chala dunga” 

Pappu-pager: “Haan haan ok, ruk jata hoon, tension maat lo. Kya hai? Kaiko khali pili ka hungama karta hai?” 

Inspector Dayaram: “Main tumko Dafa 393 (Robbery) ke tahet geraaftaar karta hoon” 

Pappu-pager (Picking up his pager): “Abbe bina internet ke PC, woh din gaye, chaal mere liye auto bula!” 

Havildaar Bhonduram whispering to Inspector Dayaram: “Saar, abhi abhi naya kanoon aya hai. Bole to ekdum latest. Geraftaar nahi kar sakte. ‘Notice of Appearance’ issue kijiye saarji” 

Inspector Dayaram: “Haan kya? Pappu – yeh lo tumhara ‘Notice of Appearance’. Thank you.” 

Pappu-pager: “Ok, ok, agli baar galti maat karma. Chal, chal auto bula” 

Inspector Dayaram: “Haan saar” Shouts to a nearby auto driver: “Aae auto, Chembur chalega kya?” 

Next Post: Top 5 reasons why this law was put in place! 

PS: Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Remake-of-a-remake copyright!

Breaking News! The release of Ghajini has been stayed by the Madras High Court. (I thought the name of the city was changed to Chennai – But that’s the Indian Judiciary for you.)

The entire release planning of this movie has been so carefully choreographed (I chose this word over orchestrated) by Aamir Khan that this major gaffe seems totally out of place. Aamir Khan has suddenly captured TV airtime through Samsung and Tata Sky plus ads. He is currently on top of everyone’s mind! Literally! Even Asin has crawled out of the woodwork and started appearing on Tanishq ads. All this is part of a greater plan.

This forces me to think that this is yet another ploy to whip up some controversy prior to the launch of the movie on 25th December. It is entirely possible that this matter is resolved and the movie launched in time. 

“KBC Pictures” (Kaun banega champu Pictures?) is the name of the production house which has filed a suit against the Aamir Khan “Ghajini” and claims to have the “original remake copyright”. The movie they are producing is called “Kahani Ghajini ki” (Not Kahani Ghajini Ghajini ki – That would have been a giveaway!). NDTV also claims that they have an Amitabh Bachchan look-alike in the lead role. (KBC Pictures – Amitabh Bachchan look-alike – co-incidence?) Is this a stink bomb? All part of the carefully choreographed release planning? It certainly seems so. If it is a prank, it is a poor one! 

What is laughable is that the Indian Judiciary is a part of this entire fiasco of original copyrights of a remake, of a remake of the original Christopher Nolan movie – Memento! Don’t they have, like a backlog of some 400 million cases? That’s irony for you! 

Frankly, I have had so much “Ghajini” thrust in my face in the last one month – I feel like I have seen the movie already! Aamir Khan has just stopped short of dragging me by the nostrils to the nearest, overpriced multiplex. This is all leaving a bad after-taste. 

PS: There is also a sms doing the rounds claiming to reveal the ending! Will there be more?